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Transition back

Like me, my friends at work are acid-tongued. We do not mince our words. When I went back to work 2 hours after I had landed in my favourite airport, some of them walked by without acknowledging my presence (thinking it is some newbie at work) while others smiled and/or said a polite 'hi' before they had a double take and shouted:

"HI! IT'S YOU! I THOUGHT YOU LOOK FAMILIAR! YOU ARE BACK!!! WHEN DID YOU GET BACK???".

Pause.

"You look rejuventated"/ "you look younger".

Then the moment of truth:

"You have put on weight."
"You are dark."
"You have pimples!!!!!!" 
"You have so many ugly mosquito bite marks."
"You have thunder thighs."

"Why didn't you take 3 weeks to rest and improve your looks before you come back to work?" (Touché. Somebody. Just Kill Me. Please.)

The only thing that is acceptable is my thicker and longer hair (which I could not afford to cut along the way).

One of the security officers at my office building told me,"You are very sunburnt". 

My mum also offered,"Your bum is too perky" (which translates into "you have a big fat butt").

Faint. Trust them to let me know that I need a weight loss programme, facials, skin whitening and scar lightening treatments, acid peels and cosmetic surgeries. Add these to the massages I now need because I suffer post-traumatic stress from the blows. I think these 'remedials' would be more costly than my whole trip put together. Definitely not for the faint-hearted. Hahahaha!

Going home

I had applied for a 2 month extension of my sabbatical leave but it was not approved. I had to make a decision - go back to work or continue with my travels. The fateful decision to go home was made within 4 days and was back home 5 days later.

Some 2 months before going home, I was having a rather serious bout of depression. I was alright when surrounded by people I knew. When I was alone, sometimes I would stare into blank space and my tears would flow. Everything was but a dream, a really good dream mostly. I felt a desperate need to grasp every nano moment in my hand. On other days, I would draw the curtains, lay in bed, ignored messages that come through my phone and not eat for the whole day. There were a lot of things I would like to do but have not done so (such as visiting my family in Auckland and friends in Australia and resolving my residency visa issue in Australia) and a confirmed cruise to Antarctica prevented me from moving these plans forward. I was just not ready to go home. It felt like chapters of my life have ended with the doors firmly closed and I could not, just simply could not, find the beginning of the new ones.

In the end, it was a head over heart decision and more than anything, a responsibility issue. At work, I had set the precedence of going away for such a long period. I decided to go back in case I become the negative example (of one going on long leave and not returning subsequently) and jeopardise the chances of the next person who wants to go on extended no pay leave.

Water shrine (2010) by Hiroshi Senju

Once I decided to go home, I discussed this with JP (whom I met in Lima airport) on how he coped. He had previously travelled on a long term basis, gone home and is currently on the road again. He said he threw himself into his nursing job and that distracted him when he first went home. I began to research online how others deal with returning home after travelling for extended periods.  The 2 major problems faced were reverse culture shock (how everything you grew up with and used to seem familiar, but when you return, everything is different; how you have to return to the same life, same family and friends when you have changed) and wanderlust. 

I had suffered from a severe bout of reverse culture shock when I first moved back from Sydney to Singapore 6 years ago so I thought I would be able to deal with it again by reminding myself about all the good things at home (I have my support system close to me, I don't have to speak in perfect English and everyone will still understand what I am mumbling about, I know where to find some of my comfort food ie if the shop has not moved, I generally know how to travel from place to place without getting lost or if I do get lost, taxis are safe, relatively cheap and easy to find). 

As for wanderlust, many people said, "9 months had been a long time. You have played for long enough." Unfortunately for most travellers, not only does a rtw trip not cure one from wanderlust, it adds fuel to the fire.  While I was (and still am) totally aware that I have been blessed and was very fortunate to be able to live many people's dreams, I had to give a lot of countries, destinations a miss because I did not have enough time. It also was not just play. I learned a lot about people, geology, geography, animals etc which are absolutely useless at work but make a lot of sense given the grand scheme of things. Sure I could watch documentaries on the same but probably retain 10% of the content. I wanted to enthusiastically share with someone - do you that the Andes mountains that span through 7 countries in South America are of the same mountain range as the Rockies in Central and North America?  Do you know that humpback whales are toothless and sieve tons of krills with their baleens and that they are making a comeback in numbers? Do you know that when you look at the mountains, the hills are not green but in different shades of steel-blue-grey? Do you know... but does it really matter? Why would it matter at all?

Back home, I settled down better than I thought I would. It was year end audit and very busy at work. I clocked the necessary hours and went home brain dead. At home, I had my mum, my tv programmes and writing of my blog to keep my occupied. I allowed myself to wallow in sadness every once in a while. I rationalised that there were so many Asia Pacific countries at my doorstep waiting for me to explore, told myself to snap out of it and move on by planning for my next trip. 

~ Morrie Schwartz